STEP 4 of 12: Where You Want to Be -Your New Opposites!

Now in a new chart, we are going to take where we already are, and map out where we eventually want to be in those areas. To start, list the same areas you want to improve in down the first column. Next, we're going to rate in the last column, the confidence level we want to attain in each particular area. Now for the more in depth part of this section! We need to look at each of our thoughts and beliefs from the previous chart and figure out what its opposite would be.

In our example, the first reason we stated for having no confidence in public speaking was because "I get very nervous." Now, the opposite of this statement would be "I don't get nervous." However, we want to be careful to make our opposites as empowering and positive as possible. That new statement, still presupposes avoiding the negative. In other words, it still suggests to yourself what you're going to try to not do. But the main focus is still the negative, which is getting nervous. So we can still make this into yet a better statement. Something like "I am strong and completely resilient when I give a speech," is much more action oriented and states the new opposite from a positive perspective. You don't see anything in that sentence that talks about what you want to not do. It's what you will do! Go through, and for each new opposite, write a positive new reason you can begin focusing on and believing to work towards developing more self-confidence in that area. And don't worry if you don't feel you can believe this new opposite yet. In fact, you'd be normal to realize it's not that easy. The methods and techniques discussed throughout the rest of this online course will present you with ways to work on making those into newly held statements that you believe and feel to be true about yourself. For right now, we want to just write down where we need to get though, we'll figure out how to bridge the gap in later exercises.

Area To Improve
New Opposite
Thoughts & Beliefs
Confidence Rating Goal
Example: Public Speaking

I get very nervous.
I don't get nervous because...
I am strong and completely resilient when I give a speech because (think of a time when you WERE confident in this area, even if it was small)...

I can't make eye contact.
I can make very strong eye contact because I will do the following... (maybe pretend you're speaking about your favorite hobby and the people in the audience are new and sincerely want to learn hear about your expertise in it).



Once you have completed this new chart, you can begin to start thinking about feeling and believing these new opposites. You can begin looking for confirmations of these new understandings in your daily life to constantly and slowly begin reinforcing and building upon them. One powerful way to start making these new opposites real to you is to begin using your new opposite statements as affirmations.

Your Task:

Print Out the chart above, or take out a pen and paper and create the same chart you see above. Fill it in with the areas you want to improve upon, along with the reasons why you think you lack the self-confidence from the previous step. Then, cross out each of your old reasons why you think you lack self-confidence. In its place, write the opposite. That is, a new reason about why you can be confident. If you don't fully believe or feel like it is possible to believe that new statement yet, don't worry! We'll get to that later. Right now, just determine what the opposite for each statement would be. In the last column then determine your overall goal rating level that you'd ultimately like to shoot for. Finish this task before continuing on!
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